Wedding Songs – Mother-Son Dance

Wondering what song to choose for the groom's Mother and Son dance? Whether you're having a wedding band or DJ, the person in charge of music on the day of your wedding should be able to accommodate your selection. It is easy enough, even if a band isn't familiar with or has never played the wedding song in question, for them to learn it if given enough time in advance.

Another option is for the band to simply have a recording of the song on hand, with the original artist performing it. This works well particularly for those who have opted to use a wedding band and DJ combo in one.

The question now is: what to pick? Should the mother-and-son song be modern or classic? Sappy and slow, or upbeat with a touch of sentimental feeling? Here are my personal choices for the mother-son wedding dance. Note: many of these would work equally well for the father-daughter dance!

Feel free to add your own favorites in the comments section! If you are already married... what did the groom and his mother dance to on your wedding day?

Summer Wind – Frank Sinatra

Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

In My Life – the Beatles

Simple Man – Lynyrd Skynyrd

Sunrise, Sunset from Fiddler on the Roof

Unforgettable – Nat King Cole

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face – Roberta Flack

Through the Years – Kenny Rogers

Forever Young – Joan Baez

Do NOT Buy Your Wedding Tux from Jos. A. Bank

I have decided to publicly smite Jos. A. Bank after mailing them this complaint letter regarding the tux I had fitted for my 2-year-old who was in my brother's wedding party this fall, and not hearing back. To anyone thinking of using them for their groomsmen... RUN, don't walk, in the other direction! Furthermore... what kind of store name is Jos. A. Bank? They couldn't spring for the second half of the name on their sign? Some of my friends refer to them as "Jose Banks." Also, the lack of an 's' on the word Bank is confusing. Just saying. So, here's the letter.

Jos. A. Bank

P.O. Box 1000

Hampstead, MD 21074-4000

October 4, 2013

Dear Joseph A. Bank,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the service I received at your store located at 100 Reaville Avenue, Flemington, NJ.

The store employees were pleasant and said all the right things. However, it was clear from my experience, that, behind the scenes, things were not going all that smoothly. In other words: even though I was given all the info up front and asked all the right questions by the sales people... the folks who were actually procuring the tuxedo for us did not seem to care about these details.

Let me explain further.

My 2-year-old-son was scheduled to be fitted for a tuxedo to be worn at my brother's wedding on Sept 14, 2013. We live in XXXXXXX, NJ and my mother-in-law (his babysitter) is located in XXXXXXX. So I determined that, based on this proximity with his babysitter, it would be wise to do all my pre-wedding shopping in Flemington (I, too, was in the wedding party). Thus, I opted to use your Flemington store location which is about 40 minutes from my home.

I called about a month in advance of the wedding date. I was told to bring my son there on the Tuesday prior to the wedding, so that they could measure him. On Tuesday, Sept 3, I called again to be sure they knew we were coming.

When I arrived at your store with my son, we were greeted warmly and enthusiastically by a male and female employee. I did not get their names, but this was probably around 3 p.m. They were extremely nice to my little boy, measured his neck, arms, legs, waistline, and feet to be sure he'd get the correct fit. At the end of the measuring, they gave him some candy, which was also very nice of them. My little boy had a great first-time at your store. However...

A day or two later, I received a call that my son's tuxedo was ready to be picked up. Now, mind you, I live 40 minutes away (more depending on traffic), and this is a little boy of two. So... battling traffic and a willful toddler at the same time is not my idea of fun. Anyway, we arrived there for the actual tux fitting, and lo and behold... the pants are swimming on him. Also, the sleeves of the jacket are much too long. It does not appear as though anyone has actually looked at the measurements which were written down. In fact, it seems as though someone has randomly selected a tuxedo that they figure will fit a 2-year-old.

I would also like to add that for the fitting, I was sort of left to my own devices. I actually had to ask someone to help me put the tux on my son and check the fit. Okay, on the one hand I'm happy that my privacy was respected in the dressing room. But on the other, an "If you need anything, give a holler" would have been nice, or how about "Once you get the tux on him, let us know and we'll have a sales rep check the fit." Perhaps your employees don't know a lot about getting a toddler dressed, but likewise I don't know anything about tuxedos. Either way, a little concern would have been nice.

The next 40-minute drive to and from your store was made I think on Thursday (2 days before the wedding), to pick up the smaller-sized pants and check to see if the sleeves had been altered. This time, I got there later in the day because when I called at around 11 a.m., they told me the suit wasn't ready so they'd call me back. Great. So I sat around waiting for most of the day, then made ready to battle rush-hour traffic with my little son in the car for yet another long ride there and back.

When I got there, no one was manning the desk at all, so I had to poke my head around and say, "Is anybody here?" before someone finally emerged from the back of the store. I was handed a small bag, which I then opened and inside was just one pair of pants. "Do you have the rest of the suit?" I asked. "Don't you have it already?" said the salesman. "No, it's been here for alterations."

I think at this point, the silver-haired man at the counter tells me that the suit was NOT altered even though it should have been?? I want to say that they forgot to shorten the sleeves. I apologize for being unclear on this, but remember that a lot goes on the week before a family wedding that both you and your son are part of the bridal party for. All I know is, I had to make yet another trip to your store because something wasn't the way it should have been.

Somewhere during all this, I realized that shoes were a necessary part of the presentation. I am not sure if I spoke to someone on the phone or in the store about this. Perhaps I wrongly assumed that the measuring of my son's feet would result in someone procuring a pair of shoes that were the right size. I know that they did measure his feet during the initial fitting.

Anyway, no one at the tux fitting had mentioned shoes, and I had left the store not even realizing they were in the bag because I was distracted with all of this unfamiliar business. So now, at home, I find the shoes in there, but they are two sizes too big. My son wears a six and these are an eight. So I call Jos. A Banks yet again.

I hate to say it, but I don't even remember now which day I was told to come back and get the correct-size shoes. Was it the day of the rehearsal dinner, which was Friday? Or was it Saturday, the actual wedding day? All I know is that I was at your store, attending to various mishaps related to the tuxedo fitting for my son for nearly every day of this week, and with everything else that goes on the week prior to a wedding, that I don't even know. And I should have written it down, but I didn't. Anyone who has ever raised a child will know how stressful life can be at the toddler phase.

If you look into your record of this purchase, you will see the Fedex bill from the day that the shoes were overnighted. Based on this, you can likely tell me which day I was told to come in for the shoes which should have been the right size from the get-go but were not, and which none of your employees thought to ask about.

In summary: NONE of this should have been happening so close to the wedding day! As far as I'm concerned, this is how the process should have played out:

Trip 1: Arrive at store, have tux measurements taken.

Trip 2: Return for complete fit of tuxedo and shoes.

Trip 3: Drop off tuxedo the Monday after the wedding.

THAT is ALL that I should have had to do, and yet this is far from what happened. I drove to and from your store no less than SIX times (including the day I dropped off the suit post-wedding). I am completely dissatisfied with the service based on this alone.

I will admit that some of this fiasco could have been avoided if I had been a more proactive customer. But I arrived not knowing the details of how to purchase and get a tuxedo fitted. I do not feel that I was given adequate help in this area, by the people who were assumed to be the experts – the people who get PAID to sell and fit tuxedos! And the fact that nobody "behind the scenes" was paying attention to the necessary details – like my son's measurements, the size of his feet, the number of pairs of pants in the bag... just absurd.

I would like a refund for the total of $96 plus tax that I paid for my son's tuxedo, plus any additional amount that you feel would be adequate compensation for the inconvenience this has caused in my life. I would also like to remind you that a lot of gas money was spent driving an hour and a half each way to and from your store every time "yet another issue" wasn't addressed.

Please send your mailed response to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. I can be reached by phone at XXX-XXX-XXXX.

I appreciate your kind and prompt attention to this matter.

Warm regards,

Name Withheld

5 Lies the Wedding Industry is Selling - from Huff Post

I caught this one via a link on Facebook, and thought it resonated nicely with my own, frugal mindset regarding weddings - where, in NJ in particular, they can be a bit over-the-top and beyond the budget. Check out "5 Lies the Wedding Industry is Selling" by Anne Almasy, below. 

5 Lies the Wedding Industry is Selling

I love weddings. Weddings are the soul of my work as a photographer. But they're also the foundation of a multi-billion dollar industry rife with questionable traditions and irrational expenses. Before you dive into wedding planning, here are five myths you need to identify -- and dismiss! -- the moment they show their ugly faces.

1.) It's the bride's day.
This is absurd for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that many weddings don't even HAVE a bride. What if neither of you is a bride? What if both of you are brides? What if the word "bride" makes you want to punch babies? Whose day is it then?

Gender sensitivity aside, the notion that ONE person is the primary focus of the wedding day is ridiculous. Your wedding day belongs to both you and your partner, and to your loved ones who have gathered to celebrate. Don't be selfish. And don't let anyone put selfishness upon you, as if "it's MY day" is an honorable and precious sentiment. It's not. The only thing honorable and precious at a wedding is the love.........

Read the rest of this article by wedding photographer Anne Almasy, on Huffington Post.

How to Write a Best Man Speech

So you're the Best Man, congrats! What an honor, what a privilege, to be the groom's go-to guy on everything from picking out the perfect tuxes to planning the ultimate bachelor party. And as the chosen best man, you've probably been through more than your share of hi-jinks with the groom. Lucky wedding guests are about to get an earful. Time to dish some dirt on the poor, unsuspecting bastard, and get him back for all the trouble he's caused you in the past!

As the wedding draws near, you may find yourself hunkered down with your pen and pad (or hunched over your iPad)... half-a-lifetime of terrifying stories tumbling about your brain as you attempt to write the best man speech from scratch. You should be able to bang this thing out in an hour or less, right?

Well... not so much. In reality, the best man speech for your best friend's wedding can be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to write. And the truth is, not every groom fits the profile of that hilarious, former Animal-House type of party guy with a ton of stories just ripe for the picking. You might even find yourself with NO funny stories to tell about the groom at all! Hell, maybe he's just a regular guy, a nice guy with a job and a 401K and a monthly mortgage payment.

All this said: before you begin to write your best man speech, you'll want to briefly assess a few things. These include:

1. The groom and his personality
2. The bride and her personality
3. The story of how the bride and groom met
4. The audience, and how they might react to whatever you say in your best man speech.

The groom and his personality. What kind of guy is getting married? Is he a larger-than-life personality? A wicked-smart tech geek with a penchant for practical jokes? Is he a quiet dude who prefers to remain in the background? As the best man, you probably have a good handle on who we're dealing with here. The type of guy the groom is will no doubt affect the style of speech you come up with for his wedding.

The bride and her personality. Hopefully, the bride is at least somewhat similar to (or at least compatible with) the groom. After all, they are getting married so one would hope they'd be good friends. This is her day as much as his, so whatever you say in your best man speech should not only reflect on her favorably but also compliment her personal style a bit. Before you start writing, think: what would my friend's wife want to hear about her new husband?

The story of how the bride and groom met. It's worth pondering, at least for a little while, what brought the lucky couple together in the first place. Is this a story worth telling? Did they find each other through some bizarre twist of fate? Is it the old "we met at work and had to date in secret," or the "she saw him doing keg stands on spring break in Daytona and thought, 'Now THAT is the man for me'?" Granted, it may not be an interesting story at all, in which case you don't have to tell it. But at the very least, spend few moments reflecting on how the bride and groom influence each other's lives in a positive way.

The audience, and their potential reaction. Of course it's tempting to drag out the worst of all skeletons from your friend's closet in order to get a cheap laugh or maybe even for shock value. But think about it: this is your best friend's wedding and one of the most important days of his life. Take some care to select the stories that, while putting him in a humorous light, won't do anything to defame or embarrass him to any great extent, given the mix of people who will be there listening. We all have things in our past that we'd rather not share. Respect your friend, and keep a lid on the stuff he's told you in confidence. And also don't forget to gauge the laughter triggers, too! What's funny between the guys might not be so amusing to Ancient Aunt Edna.

Write Your Best Man Speech

Okay: you've analyzed your audience. Now it's time to write the speech. If you decide to make it funny (and you've got enough dirt on the guy to make it juicy), then you can use the "Roast the Groom" format of best man speech, as follows below. 

(If he's not a dynamic enough character to tell stories about, that's okay too: just sum up what a nice guy he is, then skip to the part about how they met, and maybe talk that up a bit more.)

PART 1. Intro: Thank everyone for coming, and briefly sum up in what manner you have become acquainted with the groom.

PART 2. The roast: Hit hard with a series of funny anecdotes about the groom. This part should deliver like short punches – pow, pow, pow. Don't get too caught up in any one story. A few sentences per each shenanigan, with a punch line at the end of each, is good enough.

PART 3. The coupling: Talk about him and her. If it fits, make your point about what a mess this guy was until the bride-to-be entered the picture. Share a bit about how they met, if it's interesting. Talk her up in the most flattering way. The best man should always paint the bride in a favorable light. There may even be some humor in pointing out that it's a wonder why such a fine lady as her would ever get with him in the first place!

PART 4. Get sentimental: Just when everyone is sick of hearing you pick on the groom, switch the tone from fun-poking to sentimental. "All kidding aside," and "But on a serious note," can be effective transitions. For the next few short paragraphs, make sure everyone in the room knows what a great guy this is, and how his lady is equally terrific. You can't get enough of the two of them together, and you know that their life is going to be amazing!

PART 5. More funnies: Toss in a few more light jokes. If appropriate, poke a bit more fun about how you have no idea why she would end up with a mess like him. Again, make sure everyone knows you're kidding – keep the joking frequent but light!

PART 6. Conclusion: Give your best wishes to the happy couple, offer them your blessing and tons of luck and love. Thank the guests again and tell everyone to have a great time!

The best man speech does not necessarily have to follow this format, but it certainly is the most popular one, and seems to work well for any type of groom who may have gotten into a bit of mischief in his younger years. As mentioned earlier... if this groom is a more low-key personality, then you can simply omit the first part where you tell funny stories about him.

Time yourself

Once you have your first draft written, go through it again. Read out loud to a friend (not the groom, obviously!), to check if the jokes are actually laugh-worthy, and to cover any points you may have missed. Check the length and use a stopwatch or other device with a timer to test your speech.

As the best man, you can make your speech as long or as short as you wish, but you do want to keep your guests in mind. There may be other people saying a few words at the wedding. Courtesy may dictate that you keep your talk to under five minutes so others can get a few minutes in as well, and then everyone can get back to the business at hand – celebrating! Plus, long-winded speeches generally lose people's attention anyway.

Edit, edit, edit some more.

As the countdown to the wedding day continues, you may want to revisit your speech a couple of more times to be sure you've said everything in just the right way. As you read and re-read, try to imagine what the speech might sound like to: 1. the groom, 2. the bride, 3. the parents of the bride and groom, 3. the family of the bride and groom, and finally, 4. the friends of all parties, including adult and elderly friends of the groom and bride's parents, grandparents, and so forth.

Best of luck, and happy best man speech-writing!

Need some help? Best Man Speech Editing is available and affordable.

Help with your best man speech is just an email away! Contact info@njweddingonabudget.com for professional speech editing services, billed at $50 per hour.

Getting Your Wedding Thank You Cards Out On Time

Even though you'll probably be full of gratitude after your wedding day of bliss, love, and so much generosity from family and friends... you probably aren't looking forward to writing out all those thank-you cards. It's not that you're not grateful... it's just that everything is so hectic all the time nowadays. Who has the patience to sit there with a pen and note cards for all that time?

One method I had for making sure my wedding thank-you cards went out time was to address the envelopes well in advance of the wedding.

You can tackle this project while you're sending out the actual wedding invitations. After all, if you already have the file open containing everyone's contact info, it's easy enough to just combine the tasks.

Some other tips for speeding up the process:

Make it a double shopping trip. If you plan to buy your thank-you cards, table cards and maybe even your wedding invitations at a place like Michael's craft store, then you may as well be efficient and just buy everyone at once.

The thank-you cards don't have to match the wedding invitations. They can, if you happen to find a set, but I wouldn't stress out or go from store to store searching for the ideal coordinating set. This blog is about saving time and money on your wedding, so that's the point I'm making.

The thank-you cards don't even have to be anything special, really! I know... a lot of people pay extra for the ones with the photo of the bride and groom. You can do that, sure... but I hate to break it to you, most people will eventually throw out that card with your happy faces on it. So you may as well just take the cheaper option and buy some plain and practical thank-you cards.

Don't hand-write the thank-you envelopes. You've probably invested enough time and energy into having your wedding invitations done. Just get some address labels and print them out at home yourself.

Stamp them while you're stamping your wedding invitations. What's another stamp, if you're already in the middle of the job? You can pick up all the postage at the same time at the post office, too.

A legitimate question: but what if someone decides not to reply yes to your wedding invite?

I say, it's worth wasting the small amount of time it takes to write (print) their address and stamp the envelope. Because otherwise, you'd be waiting until after the wedding.

Finally, if you really want to save time when sending out wedding invites – do like our friends who have two kids did. Just forgo writing the inside message, and send out a photo of the bride and groom with a generic thank-you.