These days, less women opt to take their husband's last name
after getting married (although many still do). Some say this has to do with
female equality and independence. Others may simply be unwilling to drop their
family name – hyphenating allows you to carry on your family legacy as a
female.
Ladies, as you run through the pros and cons of this
important decision, remember his feelings. Taking a man's name when you get
married is a very honorable thing to do. It doesn't matter if you're fresh out
of college, on your third husband, a senior, or whatever. My husband was, and
continues to be, proud to call me his wife and honored that I chose to call
myself by his family's moniker. If you care about making your man feel
important (many women still do care about this, believe it or not), then
seriously consider just honoring the time-old tradition.
There are many options regarding what name to adopt once
you're married. I will list them here.
1. Legally take his name, and drop your old last name. This
means you will have to not only update your drivers' license, but also pay to
update your social security card. From here, you must make sure that every
legal document (such as loans, contracts, etc.) also are updated to reflect
your new name. As one might expect, this can be quite tedious and time
consuming if you've already established yourself in the world with things like
mortgages, car loans, bank funds, etc.
2. Begin using his name on utilities, driver's license etc.,
but legally (on your social security card) retain your maiden name, as well as
on any loans and contracts you are bound to. This can make things complicated
down the road, but if, for example, you owned property going into the
relationship, you can wait until later when you may decide to purchase real
property with your husband. This will work well if you own your own business,
as you will be able to continue doing business using your maiden name rather
than having to reestablish yourself professionally using his name. In this
case, it is assumed, as in number 1, that if you have children together the
kids would have his last name and not yours.
3. Hyphenate. Hyphenating your two last names together would
involve the same steps used in taking his name legally. You could "fake
hyphenate," and simply begin referring to yourself as the two names, while
keeping your maiden name for legal purposes, but of course you would face the
same complications as indicated in option 2, above. And again, if you
procreate, you may wish for your children to also use the hyphenated last name
combo. (But then, this leaves to your kids the question of how to handle the
hyphenated last name once they decide to get married?)
4. Legally take his name, but drop your given middle name
and instead use your maiden name as a middle name. A few of my girlfriends have
done this, and I think it's a really nice way to continue honoring your parents
even as you use his family name as your own. Of course, this would require the
same steps as you would take even if you only took his last name but left your
first and middle name what they were before.
5. Keep your maiden name, and have him take your last name
but drop his own name. I have yet to meet anyone who has done this, but I know
it's of course possible, as anything is. If he's serious about it, he'll need
to make it legal and go through the aforementioned process.
6. Combine his and your last names, creating an entirely new
name for both of you! I actually HAVE heard of people who did this, and, while
less common, it is catching on slowly and most certainly makes for an amusing
story, particularly when you get to the part where you tell your parents and
wait for their reaction!
