How to Have a Catholic Wedding When You Don't Go To Church

Are you, like us, one of those non-practicing Catholics? Born and raised, but you haven't set foot in a church in two or more decades? Perhaps you'd like to be married by a Catholic priest, but are finding, like a few of our friends have found, that Pre-Cana seems to drive you even further away from the Catholic-ness that was your upbringing?

There are many reasons why some Catholics have strayed from the church, yet still feel Catholic enough on the inside to want a Catholic wedding. Perhaps you're having an interfaith marriage; perhaps you're gay or lesbian; perhaps you're divorced and looking to be married a second time. Maybe, like we did, you have a child out of wedlock and are looking to make it legit but are worried about being judged or shamed, or some other such thing.

Or, maybe you want the Catholic wedding, but you have no intention of going back to church, and don't feel like giving the false impression to your local priest, that you are suddenly going to become all churchy once he marries you. Because, quite frankly, a lot of us out here believe in God and wish for his blessing on our wedding day... but we really don't have a lot of spare time in our lives to attend church on a regular basis. So... why pretend?  

Anyway... here's our story. After doing a little online research, my husband and I found the perfect solution for our non-Catholic Catholic wedding. The name of the organization is the Contemporary Catholics. They are the White Robed Monks of St.Benedict, based out of California, with branches of their organization located in various parts of the US. We like them because, frankly, they embody the Catholic that we all wish we would have had growing up. A good, solid foundation of what it means to be a good person, to believe in God and have faith... to think about life and love in philosophical terms... but without all the rules and regulation, guilt and damnation.

So, after reading the articles on their website and getting a feel for what the WhiteRobed Monks of St. Benedict are all about, we decided to contact them via email. We received a reply within a couple of days, and were directed to a very nice representative of their organization in Fair Lawn, NJ. We arranged for a meetup, but since my husband's work schedule is rather unpredictable, we found it easier just to do a "talky" via Skype.

(It turned out that we couldn't get our internet connection to function at the time of the meeting, so we opted to just use Ma Bell for our meetup, which was fine anyway.)

We immediately appreciated the fact that this priest was actually married (a nice change of pace – a Catholic priest who can actually offer marital advice because he has/is living life as a married man, not one who can only speak in platitudes or resort to imagining what it must be like to be married to a woman). He was down to earth, honest, open, realistic about the less romantic aspects of married life, and a gentle and fatherly guide who we found to be perfect to offer God's blessing for our special day. 

So we booked him, and arranged for our Contemporary Catholic priest to arrive at our venue and conduct the ceremony. We had one additional back-and-forth where we were offered a list of options to have on our wedding day... and then the plan was set. And just as he was when we spoke on the phone, our priest was down to earth, humorous, touching, and gave a very warm and loving message which our friends and family responded quite favorably to.

To make this story short... Catholic wedding but not in a church... yes, it is possible! Contact the Contemporary Catholics today. You won't be disappointed!

The Engagement Ring Rant

Okay, people. This is the moment you've all been waiting for – when the frugal bride spouts off about the utter uselessness and waste of money that is an engagement ring. For those who feel that their love can and should be bought in the form of a big old, shiny rock... I wag my (non-ring) finger at you. For shame, for shame, ladies!!

Come on, think about it. Are we not thinking here? I can't tell you how many times I've heard the whole "if he loved me" speech about how you think your man should tap into his 401K so he can afford to give you the ring of your dreams. I just want to tell you here and now that this is so very wrong. So very selfish and wrong!

I'll tell you what love is. Love is the girl who stops her man from burning a hole in his bank account for an engagement ring because she'd rather see that money go toward something the two of them would benefit from in the long run, as a couple.

The average cost of an engagement ring, I'm told, is $5K. My god, just think of all the way more interesting things you could do with 5K!

I recall hearing about a young man who spent nearly $20K to give his beloved the engagement ring of choice, and at the time I so badly wanted to yell at them, "Great move, kids... you could have used that money as a partial down payment on your first home together!"

A down payment on a house, instead of an overpriced blood diamond... what a novel idea, right!? The bride and groom having their own home, not having to sponge off Mommy and Daddy to get a nest egg started, or throw away years of rent before they can actually save up to get a mortgage.

I hereby decree the engagement ring a near-useless item. Because other than an advertisement that the lady is spoken for, what is it, really? You're never going to recoup the money lost on your engagement ring. You don't increase your personal value by sporting an expensive one. I'm sorry, but I really just fail to see how this has become so necessary for the nuptials.

Perhaps some of you starry-eyed brides-to-be have yet to hear the story of where the tradition of the diamond engagement ring came from. Well, here is the real and unglamorous truth, friends. The DeBeers Diamond Company invented it as a way to amass piles and piles of money. In the 1930s they had come upon, and claimed, a bunch of South African diamond mines and, as one might expect, sought to profit via this avenue. With so much romance in the air post-WWII, DeBeers felt it was the perfect time to unveil their aggressive marketing campaign, "A Diamond is Forever" as a means of unloading these precious gems. Thus came the notion that a fella had to prove his love by investing in an expensive ring for his bride-to-be.

And now the million-dollar question: do I have an engagement ring? Well, yes, I do. And I'm proud to tell you that it came from my husband's grandmother – a family heirloom, passed down through generations. I was lucky, first, that there were any diamonds in the family at all (not that my ring is anything crazy – it's just a modest little stone in a sweet, old-fashioned setting). And second – it fit me without the need for any modification. But if there didn't happen to be a totally free engagement ring waiting for me, would I demand/expect one from my then-fiance? Absolutely not!

Sure, the engagement ring is an exciting part of your betrothal– but I just want to tell you, ladies, that it really is okay to forgo the excessive spending on such a frivolous item. Do your man a favor that he will never forget: if you really love him, tell him up front that it's okay to opt for a less expensive engagement ring... or, be a super-cool fiance, and tell him you'd much rather see the ring money go toward your future life together.

42 Impossibly Fun Wedding Photo Ideas You'll Want to Steal (From Buzzfeed!)

 Just spotted this one from Buzzfeed as it made the rounds on Facebook... thought I'd share here, too!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/impossibly-fun-wedding-photo-ideas-youll-want-to-steal

How to Obtain a Marriage License in NJ

Go to your county clerk's office and fill out paperwork for obtaining a marriage license.

Procure a witness. I believe this is supposed to be someone who has known both you and the groom for at least a year?

Within a week of the wedding (I think 2 weeks is the max number of days, but you'll have to double check this to be sure), go with your bride- or groom-to-be, the witness, and the paperwork, to the County Clerk's office. Fill out papers in front of them. Basically, you will be giving them:

the parents of the groom's full names and birthplace

the parents of the bride's full names and birth place

the full name and birthplace of the bride
the full name and birthplace of the groom

and the town/county in which your marriage will take place.

I think you must also indicate the name/title of the person who will be marrying you, but it seems I've quickly forgotten the details.

Once this paperwork is filed with your county, you must coordinate with your wedding officiant to be sure that he signs and mails in the marriage license to the county where you live as well as the county where you were married.

You must then wait a short amount of time (I want to say a week or two?) and then go to the county clerk's office of the county where you were married, and pick up the marriage license which will be marked with an official raised seal. While there, you can request copies of your marriage license to use as needed when having to prove your identity.

If you are someone who has elected to NOT take your husband's name, this piece of paper will come in handy when having to prove your identity. (Ex: "It says Jane Smith on your driver's license, but you are still going as Jane Doe on your social security card.)

Perfect Wedding First Dance Song - Unchained Melody U2 Version

Bono and the boys make this song explode. :) Perfect for your wedding day first dance song.