How to Handle "B List" Wedding Guest Invites

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The wedding guest list can make for some excitement, yet also present a potentially awkward scenario. If you're paying for your own wedding, then you probably have the mindset that you can't invite everyone you'd like to because your budget limits you to a set number of plates.

If your parents and/or in-laws have offered to kick in, then you'll likely feel obligated to invite people who are important to them. Or, they may have a long list of people they want to invite, whom they also offer to cover the plates for.

Therefore, some people who you might enjoy seeing at your wedding, such as coworkers, or friends you've fallen a bit out of touch with, may not make the wedding guest list. You may see these people around the office, on Facebook, or wherever else your friends and relations tend to gather, and feel a little sad about this.

Remember that all is not lost. As it turns out, some of the people who you had initially invited may not be able to come after all. Parents often invite folks from the older generation, who are often not in the best of health or may not feel comfortable traveling a long way to be at your wedding.

That said, come the time when responses begin arriving in your mailbox... you will probably have a bunch of spots that weren't able to be filled. Said another way... you anticipated 150 guests for example, but now only 122 are actually coming.

Should you go ahead on last-minute notice, and invite some folks who didn't make the first cut? Or should you just sally forth with the number of wedding guests that remains?

You, and only you, will be able to ascertain whether your B-list wedding guests will be more annoyed to a. be invited after the fact, or b. not invited at all. You never can tell what will offend, or not offend, some folks.

I realize not everyone is like me, but my instinct is to just take a chance and invite them. In fact this has happened to me on a few occasions – someone's Aunt Edna fell ill; I got the last-minute phone call. A friend's wedding date decided to ditch them; I was summoned to sub in. In both cases, I didn't mind at all that I was being asked late, and had a great time.

In another instance, an old friend of mine was in NJ making ready to be in the bridal party of a girl we both knew from college. I actually showed up to hang out at the hotel, even though I was not invited to the wedding. No one seemed to mind! This is how my people tend to be: laid-back and easygoing.

If you feel pretty confident that the B-list wedding invite wouldn't put the final nail in the coffin of your waning friendship, then pick up the phone or send that email. Be honest: "Hey, we weren't able to invite some of the people we really wanted to because we have a big family. Some people we did invite weren't able to make it. We were hoping you wouldn't mind being asked late."

Or, if you feel it isn't THAT late... just send them an invite with no explanation or apology! Etiquette i.e. respect for other people's busy lives, dictates that you should send out your wedding invitations a month and a half in advance. But even if the wedding is only 3 weeks away... if you've got tables to fill, why not just print out more.

The only way you'll never know how much fun you could have had with ALL your favorite people... is to not invite them. So for shit's sake... just invite them!